Every now and then I'll fucking boot a tray of plates and watch as they hit the ground and shatter.
Every now and then these minimal mistakes happen. Fuck, shit happens every day in every profession.
Am I sorry for these mishaps?
No! I don't give a fuck!
Am I sorry that--in my manic haste to do 1,000 things at once--I spilled your precious martini all over the table, and watched as it flooded the shit out of your precious iPhone?
No! Because--like I said--I don't give a fuck, and I certainly don't have any sympathy for you.
Because....
Silverware, glasses, plates, and breadcrumbs belong on the table; iPhones don't.
I mean, customers all too often regard their waitstaff as mindless, stupid fucking assholes to begin with anyways, so I don't understand why they would ever trust their $650 dollar piece of equipment on a table where the exchange of food and drink is all too often being made.
Besides, what kind of an arrogant asshole thinks it's okay to have his phone stick out like a malignant tumor? Apparently he is okay with the rude, pompous message that he is sending to not only his company, but the fellow dining customers in the restaurant. And, don't think it's okay to answer that son-of-a-bitch in the middle of the dining room.
I mean, there's a reason why bathrooms exist apart from the dining room; and that's because NO ONE wants to deal with your shit. So, piss off somewhere else.
Thanks
I feel like cell phones took off so quickly that people didn't have time to develop etiquette related to them naturally. Like, 58 year olds like my mother that have only had cell phones for a relatively short amount of time don't understand that they shouldn't be on the god damn phone when they are at the check out line at the grocery store. Although you could make the argument that that's just common sense.
ReplyDeletethis is really funny...I hate it when I am out and someone leaves their cell phone on the table or they text at the table...so rude!
ReplyDeleteI was on a date once and the guy spent the whole time on his cell phone while we sat at the at the table. I felt like getting up and leaving. He drove me. Sucks.
ReplyDeletehahah great post. Whenever I grab a bite with people they always have to put their phones on the table as if to show off when they get a text or something. I don't get it and I find it annoying too. FUCK
ReplyDeleteThat's pretty funny. The custy probably had insurance on it anyway.
ReplyDeleteShit, I do this all the time.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya! Sounds like someone wanted to show off his $400 piece of tech. Now it's a expensive paperweight.
ReplyDeleteGood article on an interesting idea. I have probably been am example of someone who has left there phone on the table inside a restaurant or bar. However, only if I am in the presence of my close friends, never on something more formal. However, my phone takes most of its beating from being on the top of my lap when I get up to exit a car. Only to then find itself face down on cement...no ones fault but my own.
ReplyDeleteI dig the structure.
ReplyDeleteI am guilty of this :(! I do put my phone on the table but only because of my son.. I want to know that if there is any emergency he can get through to me. I think I am going to rethink this :)
ReplyDelete