I love the table that sits down, looks you right in the eyes, and says "we're gonna be here all night, so don't rush us."
Okay, let me go grab the fucking air mattress, the fucking popcorn, the fucking case of beer, the fucking nail polish, and the fucking Friends DVD box-set.
It is one thing to come in to the restaurant and thoroughly enjoy yourself. Fuck, if you're going to stay for hours that's fine (it really isn't but whatever), but don't fucking make that clear to the entire wait staff as soon as you sit your asses down.
And, if you are going to stay the 'whole night,' you better understand you're going to pay rent for your inhabitancy. What? You think fucking money grows on trees? You think it's completely acceptable to occupy my table all night and get by solely on paying the 15-20% gratuity on the bill?
Well, you got another thing coming to you--assholes!
And, if you're interested in shacking up--go to a fucking resort spa, people! This isn't a Holiday Inn!
And when it's time to pay, don't you dare take that fucking bill and sit on it, or put it under the clutches of your elbows, or completely leave it sitting there for hours without even looking at it. Pay the fucking bill in a timely manner and get the fuck out of the restaurant.
